It’s a lovely snowy day and I’m supposed to be paying attention to the sermon, but I’m going to update here: I’ve been meaning to do it for a week. I’ve recently realized some things that have made my situation a lot easier, and I thought I’d share it.
I’ve been feeling stuck in my life for about two years and I couldn’t figure out why it was happening. Why would God put me in this situation–sick, depressed, underemployed, increasingly hopeless–and not let me out? A lot of the devotional stuff I read didn’t help much: they kept talking about difficult times as God’s way of fixing problems with our attitude or making us grow in difficult ways, and I just kept feeling like that meant there was something WRONG with me or something missing. What was I doing wrong that I was hagving to go through this? What did I have to achieve or learn to get OUT? I felt like it was Groundhog Day and I had to do it ALL RIGHT before I could escape my situation.
I began to feel like I must have made a bad choice somewhere in my life to not be able to get a decent job. Not a WICKED choice, but an unwise one. I shouldn’t have gone to grad school for a job I ultimately didn’t want. I shouldn’t have picked the major I did. I should have gone into IT–there are LOTS of jobs in that, and I find it interesting–why on earth didn’t I think of that as a major?!
…And then I remembered WHY I chose the major I did and WHY I went to grad school: God told me to.
I’m not in this situation because I did something WRONG: I’m here because I did something RIGHT. This isn’t the result of failure: it’s the result of of success. I did what I was told to do, even though I wasn’t thrilled about it at the time. I did well in it. God got me through it, and I did what I was meant to do.
This moment in my life, which feels so difficult, is not an aberration; it’s not a side track I had to be put in before I could go back to following godsG plan for my life: this is PART of God’s plan for my life. I was always meant to do this. It’s like Stewart in Kate and Leopold saying, “I thought I had pretzeled fate and it had to be untwisted… But I was SUPPOSED to go back! He was supposed to come forward, then he was supposed to go back again, and so was she.” I was always supposed to be here, in this situation, at this time. This is not a punishment or a lesson (though I may learn things from it). It’s just part of the plan, part of my perfectly planned quest.
So since there’s nothing wrong with where I am, it’s a lot easier to be content with what I’ve got and what’s happening. It’ll change eventually, and until then, might as well enjoy it as well as I can. It’s what God has sent me at this season in my life. It makes it a LOT easier to be patient and contented. I only hope I can continue to have this kind of patience, contentment, and hope throughout my life.
EDIT: Incidentally, I have not been actually ignoring the sermon while I wrote this, and the pastor is preaching on taking our identity from what God expects us to be, not from what our parents or friends or society expects us to be, which was also part of my unhappiness with my situation. 🙂